A Transport of Delight

What's the ideal Tranny Transport?
In an ideal world I suppose we'd all drive an open-top blue metallic Mercedes. (With cream leather seats!)

But just think of the slipstream... How would it feel with mascara running down your face and your wig stuck in a bush 20 feet above the M25?

No.
Practicalities rule. Now maybe the ideal tranport would be a camper van. (For those of you in the US, think small RV.) Pull the curtains and you have the perfect portable changing room. Unfortunately, despite the surf crowd adopting them, camper vans are the most un-cool transport imaginable.
And slow! We used to follow one to work every day, drum kit in the back and CB mike swinging from the rear-view mirror.
No, definitely no.






It would so good to have something outrageous, like Lady Penolope's Rolls, but attracting too much attention might be a big mistake. Sometimes you really need to blend and pink is not good for that. Also it is bound to attract unwanted attention from traffic wardens...



What do women actually drive? Well, more or less anything, though the younger smarter ones seem to have smaller, neater cars (Clio, Mini). So, if like me you are a bit on the large side you need to scale up by 20% and choose a smallish 4-door hatchback.
You may in fact already be driving the ideal car. Though if it has go-faster stripes and infantile megaphone exhaust you might be a little far from the mark.
And avoid sun-roofs. They will light you up like a shop display.

Aircon

Fortunately these days most cars have some kind of aircon. This is absolutely essential for a Cross-dresser wanting to keep their cool. It can get pretty hot in there and the last thing you need when feeling a bit warm is a hot car!

Change the number plates!

No, seriously, have you looked at your number plates? They almost certainly have the phone number of your garage on them. Bit of a dead give-away? You bet! There is an easy fix, though. Plates can be ordered on-line with no paperwork. Just go to a site like Plates For Cars, type in your reg and hey presto! Something I did not know: the text along the bottom of the plate is supposed to say who made it. However, there is nothing to stop you ordering it with the word 'Toyota' there instead (assuming your car is, of course).
The plates are dead easy to fit, by the way. Just be careful not to break the plastic screws that hold them on, or you will need to visit a car spares shop and buy some more.

Remove that parking sticker

Yes, you probably have a sticker for the company car park in the window. Best to remove that, temporarily. Now take a look at the tax disc? Did you get it from the local post office? Oh dear. Maybe next time get it by mail, or go to a post office a bit further away. And did you get the tax disk holder free with the car, compete with another advert for the garage? Time to get a generic holder from Halfords!
Finally, take a critical look at the location of the licence holder. If there is some text that you want to make harder to read casually, see if there is any writing on the inside of the windscreen that you can 'accidentally' position the tax disk behind.

Paranoid? Who? Me?

Just because you are paranoid, it doesn't mean that they aren't out to get you...

Pre-flight checks

Seriously, though, you really don't need your car to let you down, so attention to detail is well worth it. And check the tyres, widscreen wash and fuel.
Make sure the interior light is properly off. (You don't want it popping on when you get in or out, now do you?) If you need glasses to drive, put a spare pair in the glove box and for heavens sake always carry a spare key on you, somewhere.

Happy motoring!

p.s.
For those who may be too young to remember them, the title is a refernce to Flanders and Swann's song about a London Bus, like these.